Little update

I've been trying to think of what to write- there is a lot- Annika turned 5!! on March 28. I can't believe my baby is 5! We have so many cute pictures from her birthday fun. But I seem to leave those at my picasa site and then have this going on over here at Blogger.

Well, as most of you know our first foster daughter left the Monday after my last post. I was worried about the goodbye, sadness, her feeling abandoned, etc. But God totally took care of all of that. I am so, so thankful. He did it in some strange ways, but it kind of makes me laugh now. I just looked back at the post where I was so sad about the time change. I'll just say come Monday morning I wouldn't have minded if it had changed a few hours. Sweet little one had a very hard couple of days. She was defiant in everything. Did I make that clear? EVERYTHING. It's amazing how when you don't have a lifetime of trust and love built with them how fickle you can be. And how fickle I was. I wanted to ooze love, patience, grace, hope, and joy. But honestly that is not what happened in the face of minute upon minute of struggle with her. God made the goodbye easy in several ways. I am going to do what I do best- make a list.

1. She was so hard to like the last two days. Just being honest here. Some days she was showing so much love and being able to accept love. And some days she was hard. All the way around. You are the adult here right?, you might ask. Yes, I am, but I am an adult who is so unfit to do anything God would ever want me to do that I am desperate for his help.

2. The CPS worker assured us in so many ways that she was going to the PERFECT place. A lot of it I can't share, but God worked mightily for this little girl and I don't want it to be overlooked.

3. I put her in the car with her new favorite books (Goodnight Moon was one) and she just looked at them and I guess she assumed I was getting in the car with her. She never even looked up. And she had been having major separation anxiety, so this was huge! She didn't cry the whole way and was super excited when she saw the person she was going to live with! Such a blessing to this mama's heart! {and separate side note- she didn't even know how to sit through a book when she came! And she loves them now! So fun to see!}

So we went out of town the next day, which was my birthday. We stopped to see my dad and step-mom on the way and they had planned a little party for me and then when we got to LR, my mom had planned a big family surprise party for me! I felt so special and it was so nice to get away from our house and reset. During that time we were still waiting to hear about a little girl that was up for adoption. We heard that we had been invited to a really important meeting for her and we were just waiting to find out when that meeting would be because someone was on vacation. A week or so later we found out she'd already been matched with another family. This ride is like a crazy roller coaster. God is definitely teaching me to bounce back a little faster than before. Sometimes I hang out down at the bottom mulling over things a little too long. So we are back on the emergency placement list again trusting God with what his plan is and hoping in the mean time he fills me with so much more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control- because it doesn't come naturally!