Quick update

Well, our sweet little girl with a head full of hair is now 3 weeks old! In many ways it seems like we've had her way longer than 3 weeks! I guess it is being up at night! :) She is overall a great sleeper. Usually sleeping 2 1/2 to 3 hours at a time. Last night she slept for 4 hours! Yea! It is so fun to care for her and we have actually been able to just sort of continue on with minor changes. Honestly it is easier to care for a newborn than a child that already has a life, history, and some pretty miserable circumstances. I had been praying God would really give me a heart to truly love the next child we got. Well, much to my surprise, God knew a newborn was the way to go. I wouldn't have ever picked that age! Most of you know I am a toddler lover. I think it is so much easier to enjoy a baby when they didn't come from your body. You aren't totally worn out and don't have all of the crazy emotions, depression, etc going on. I am very blessed to get to have experienced both and I feel like God just blessed me so much in getting to care for this precious baby.

The girls just love her. And are so helpful. It has been a learning experience for them and they are so nurturing. Great to see out of your kids!

We aren't really sure of a timeline and many, many things can change. It looks like we'll have her about 6 months. I would completely have her forever if possible. Trusting God that he has a perfect plan for her and he loves her entirely more than I ever could. So I know no matter where she is he will be watching over her. I do know it is going to be crazy difficult to let her go if that is what we need to do. But for now, I won't worry. I'll just love her and care for her tiny little body that is quickly filling out! She is getting some chubby cheeks that are adorable!

Little Bity News

We got a call for a newborn baby and now my arms are full of a tightly little swaddled bundle that is precious! I really like her! It is funny because at church on Sunday my heart (for the first time in years) had a tug for a baby. I was really surprised. Guess he was preparing me! Of course I can't share much, but at this point we don't know much. One minute I am in Kroger with Olivia hurrying to get what we need so we could pick up Annika from gymnastics. And the next minute I am racing around getting our house ready for a newborn. We got her about 6 hours after the call. She's so cute and is really great- she's definitely in the honeymoon stage! We have no idea how long we'll get to keep her, but I am pretty sure it wouldn't take much for us to keep her forever!

babies

So this weekend has been the weekend of babies. I would have to loved to have been in OH and in Little Rock for all of them! My best friend in OH had her sweet baby girl. My best friend in LR had her twins (at only 25wks) and my cousin and his wife had their first baby today. I can't wait to go to LR next week and visit these precious new lives. Wishing I had a private plane to fly to see them all! It is so hard to not be close and help, snuggle, and love.

Fort Worth Botanical Gardens

My mom was here during her spring break- last week of March. One of the things we did was to go to the Botanical Gardens. We've been to several parts before, but not the rose garden. It looks like something from a Jane Austen movie. Amazing. You feel like you are somewhere else.

We had done a lot by this point! We started at the Water Gardens downtown, but there was no water! Glad we had this planned, too!

Little update

I've been trying to think of what to write- there is a lot- Annika turned 5!! on March 28. I can't believe my baby is 5! We have so many cute pictures from her birthday fun. But I seem to leave those at my picasa site and then have this going on over here at Blogger.

Well, as most of you know our first foster daughter left the Monday after my last post. I was worried about the goodbye, sadness, her feeling abandoned, etc. But God totally took care of all of that. I am so, so thankful. He did it in some strange ways, but it kind of makes me laugh now. I just looked back at the post where I was so sad about the time change. I'll just say come Monday morning I wouldn't have minded if it had changed a few hours. Sweet little one had a very hard couple of days. She was defiant in everything. Did I make that clear? EVERYTHING. It's amazing how when you don't have a lifetime of trust and love built with them how fickle you can be. And how fickle I was. I wanted to ooze love, patience, grace, hope, and joy. But honestly that is not what happened in the face of minute upon minute of struggle with her. God made the goodbye easy in several ways. I am going to do what I do best- make a list.

1. She was so hard to like the last two days. Just being honest here. Some days she was showing so much love and being able to accept love. And some days she was hard. All the way around. You are the adult here right?, you might ask. Yes, I am, but I am an adult who is so unfit to do anything God would ever want me to do that I am desperate for his help.

2. The CPS worker assured us in so many ways that she was going to the PERFECT place. A lot of it I can't share, but God worked mightily for this little girl and I don't want it to be overlooked.

3. I put her in the car with her new favorite books (Goodnight Moon was one) and she just looked at them and I guess she assumed I was getting in the car with her. She never even looked up. And she had been having major separation anxiety, so this was huge! She didn't cry the whole way and was super excited when she saw the person she was going to live with! Such a blessing to this mama's heart! {and separate side note- she didn't even know how to sit through a book when she came! And she loves them now! So fun to see!}

So we went out of town the next day, which was my birthday. We stopped to see my dad and step-mom on the way and they had planned a little party for me and then when we got to LR, my mom had planned a big family surprise party for me! I felt so special and it was so nice to get away from our house and reset. During that time we were still waiting to hear about a little girl that was up for adoption. We heard that we had been invited to a really important meeting for her and we were just waiting to find out when that meeting would be because someone was on vacation. A week or so later we found out she'd already been matched with another family. This ride is like a crazy roller coaster. God is definitely teaching me to bounce back a little faster than before. Sometimes I hang out down at the bottom mulling over things a little too long. So we are back on the emergency placement list again trusting God with what his plan is and hoping in the mean time he fills me with so much more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control- because it doesn't come naturally!

Crazy Adventure

Well, our lives are about to change again drastically. Like they did 6 weeks ago. Today was a loooooooooooong one. This little girl has either a super high day or a no good, very bad day. Today was the latter. Defiant in everything. EVERYTHING. I was really looking forward to church tomorrow, but I hate to take all 3 of the girls and their colds to church. But Travis will be here tomorrow, so that should help some. And hopefully we'll end on a high note! I want to share about these not so good days too because it is good to be realistic and is good for those considering doing this to know more of what it is really like. It isn't a fairy tale, like I often think of for families. It is another life, with lots of needs, and you don't get to follow your own parenting rules. You do what the state says. That can be very difficult. But this has definitely been a blessing I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on. And I am so glad God involved us in her little life and has {hopefully} used us to help heal her heart.

This whole thing almost seems like a dream. Travis described it great. He said it is like we've been on some crazy adventure that no one knows about. None of our family or close friends ever got to meet her- so it is like a second life we've lived. It has drastically impacted us, but our family really has no idea. I am really looking forward to going to visit family next week, but I am also a little nervous. What if no one asks about this precious life that we are missing? How could they know how sweet and special she was? How can I fully say how we were impacted? Do any of them really care? These are all good things for me to think through and honestly it really doesn't matter. God knows and I feel completely honored to have gotten to be a part of his work in her life. That is enough- I just need to remember that! :)

Packing

Ms B will head to a relative's on Monday morning. I have never hated the time change so much. She is getting picked up at 10. I had it all planned out. Big breakfast, sweet long bath, and playtime before...I can't even say it. But now I realize she is really getting picked up at 9. This means everything will be hurried, including our goodbye. I don't like this one bit.

I have gone through and packed up everything. We have to write down everything she brought and everything we bought. So today during her nap I went through and counted everything...with my girls making a lot of loud, weird sounds that were killing my already hurting head. It took way too long, but it is done. So it all sits, neatly folded and packed in a new, cute suitcase waiting by the front door. Such a reminder of what is to come- and who will be going. I should say, the things we bought are in the new cute suitcase. The other things are in the huge blue bag that CPS gives you when they bring you a child. I don't like those bags. So I put all of the things we were given by her family several weeks after we got her in that big blue bag because i don't like them. Not because of what they look like, but because I don't like what they represent. They represent a precious little girl who was not loved and cared for. And an environment that is not good. And a life that was headed no where.

I have so much hope that her life is headed somewhere now. That a little seed has been planted in her heart to know there is more than what she's been given. And that God has redeemed what was once broken. And that he isn't done.

I have completely enjoyed every single giggle today, but it is sad too all at the same time. We planned to go to the zoo today and just ride the train and the carousel as many times as she wanted. But everyone else in Fort Worth was there today along with every single school bus in Ft. Worth. So we opted for the Forest Park Train instead. Thankfully it is about a block away! She LOVED it! She woke up with a terrible cold today, but we pressed on because she needed a fun IHOP meal and ice cream from Yo! Tonight she was so snuggly and giggly. She cannot get enough of books now. When she came she looked for a second and then moved on, but now...now she sneaks another while you are reading one just so she'll have it ready when I am finished with the one I was just reading. So sweet.

The highlight of the day was during her bath this afternoon. This is so simple, but something I probably won't take for granted ever again. You know how you can look at your kids and just do a little smile and they do that little smile back? B has never done that. Sometimes you'd get a glare and sometimes just a lost look. Today during her bath I sat her down and she looked up at me and I just did that little smile because she seems like one of my own and she did it back. It meant more than any hug or giggle. That's the smile of belonging and it was so good to see.