Reprogramming

So much I'd like to share that I am learning right now...but I have no idea where to start. The big lesson right now is life isn't about my comfort. I don't need to make decisions based on how easy it will make my life or how much joy it is going to bring me. It is not about me. It is not about me. Maybe if I say it enough it will soak in. So much of my life, and I am guessing others, has taught me to seek a great life- a good job, a good husband, a nice home with nice furniture, comfort, peace, and things that make me happy. I am learning that although those things are all awesome, they are not what it is really all about. So what is it really all about? I am not sure I can put it down in a sentence yet. I have things swirling around in my head, but I have a hard time pushing out all of the garbage I've learned over the years.

Women's bible study at church has been so good. So, so good for me. It has totally challenged the way I think. It is called The Gospel Centered Life. Every week we go and learn so much and also share what our thing is. For example, this last week we talked about idols. We don't come in assuming maybe someone else has an idol- we all say these are the ones I have. And it is awesome. There is no pretending or performing- it is all honest and it is amazing. If only it were like that outside of that room. I want my life to be like that all of the time. But it really is so hard to reprogram my mind to truth.

Thankfully that is where the Holy Spirit comes in. I cannot do it on my own. He does it. {yes, he. The Holy Spirit is not a thing} I am reading a great book about this right now. It is by Francis Chan (he wrote Crazy Love). I HIGHLY recommend this book. Especially for anyone who...actually just for anyone. Oh, I guess I should say the name. It is called Forgotten God. It is a life changer that is biblically based. He talks about all different kinds of views we've probably had whether we grew up in a charismatic church or a church that occasionally mentions the "Holy Ghost" and then the rest of the time pretends he doesn't exist. He is just teaching what the bible says and it is so life changing and I LOVE it!

I don't want my life just to be comfortable, I want it to be doing what God is doing. And often that isn't comfortable. Like thinking about adoption. For every thought that God could use us to bless a child, I have 15 fearful, selfish, and sometimes angry thoughts.

On a lighter note- Big girls got trophies last night for cheerleading- they were so excited (they were a little confused why it had a basketball player on it). And little one was cute at dinner tonight. Olivia prayed for dinner and then when she was finished, little one put her little hands together (the best she could) in front of her face and started pretending to pray. It was precious!