3 hugs

Today sweet little one gave three hugs to someone whom she's never hugged before- her foster daddy. They were the sweetest hugs I've seen. And such a reminder at how God must see us when we finally come to him. He's there just waiting and loving. And then we turn and it is so sweet.

Great Progress

Little Missy has come a LONG way in just a few days. It is amazing the progress she has made! She is doing more each day showing a need for some help (even though it is still only in the little things) and coming to me for hugs. She is really bonding which is so great...except that she won't be here long. It is really heart breaking to think of her leaving. She's just in the last couple of days just blended right in and become a "normal" part of our family- with less screaming, whining, and angry looks. Much more giggling and fun. She even says "please" when wanting some food instead of just screaming (sometimes there is a scream first, but when we remind her she says it!) We are all just getting each other and it feels so good. I am thankful that today I knew I wouldn't be getting a phone call saying they were coming for her, so I could really just enjoy it. Although tonight when I was reading her books before bed, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It could be tomorrow. Or maybe it won't be so I shouldn't think that...but I need to have everything ready because I know when they call I won't be able to think straight...God please give me peace about this because I totally trust you with her...this is really painful...stop it... This is what my mind pretty much goes through constantly. It is heart breaking and I can say that because of the past two days it will be even harder, although I wouldn't trade them for anything.
I realized today there won't be a day in my life that I don't wonder how she's doing. Or what she's doing. Or if she's being taken care of. I am not sure how to deal with all of that, but I am thankful God won't ever leave me or leave me alone to deal with those thoughts. And this is all part of doing what he had for us to do. So even though there is pain, I know he will use it to make us more like Him and I am grateful for that. I am also grateful that he will ALWAYS be with her and I don't have to worry about that either. But I am a little worried about when they try to come get her. I am not sure how I will be able to let them take her. They may have to literally pry my arms off of her. She's definitely got some separation anxiety now, so I don't expect it to be pretty. I am just not sure who will be crying louder- her or me. :)

overwhelmed

That's how I feel right now. Not like you'd think, but as I watch our newest little one each day, I see more and more where she was neglected. It makes me sick. At this moment, it is overwhelming. How can an 18 month old not know I am there to help her? The only time she asks for help is for food. Not when she falls, gets hurt, needs to reach something, is awake in bed, or anytime. It is terrible to think she doesn't even know she should be loved and cared for that way.
I know this happens all of the time in orphanages and homes around the world. But her home wasn't supposed to be all that neglectful. Which scares me. They don't even see what I see. Will they listen to what I have seen? Will they watch for that as she grows?
She is probably moving onto a family member's house soon and I can only trust that God will provide her with an amazingly loving family that will care for her and heal those terrible hurt places she doesn't even know about. I can't imagine how it must hurt God's heart to watch his children hurt. Because it is almost more than I can stand right now. My prayer for her is that she'll always know he is with her and that he will free her from the life this world has promised her.

Quick Update

Just a quick update to say things are going well. The past two days have been filled with a lot of giggles. And I have to say it is amazing how helpful our two older girls have been. They both can push the stroller! They can help me distract to brush little teeth. They can give bites of yogurt to a hungry mouth while I am fixing everyone else's breakfast. Amazing! Where were they when I had my first two kids? Oh wait, those are them. Hmmm. I think this is the way to do it! :)
It really has been amazing to see how quickly God has made this all work and how amazingly he has blessed us with an easy situation. I really am so grateful.
We are slowly figuring out how to fit in homeschool. Although I used to insist we do it in the morning, that hasn't been an option so far. During her nap is about the only time that works. So that is when we do it. Today, she did science with us. I don't think it is too early to learn how your taste and smell works!
On a side note- I haven't had stove top popcorn in a while. I love it. Really. I haven't had time and have been totally worn out once the girls are in bed. And I threw out my perfect popcorn pan. Although I didn't know it was the perfect one until I tried my new one. So I googled stovetop popcorn. I found a helpful way. I am not sure why it was so helpful. I got the pan hot, added olive oil, pulled it off the burner while I added the kernels, then put the lid on and scooted it back to the heat. Once it started popping I moved the pan around constantly {and hoped it didn't wake my sleeping girls!} and it came out perfect. So the "recipe" was right and perfect. Now I feel a little more back to normal!

Learning to live...

This week we've had a lot of changes around our house! For me the changes have been quite a lot. Going from two kids to three, remembering toddlers don't stay with you and totally get into EVERYTHING, remembering to pack diapers, wipes, pacis, snacks, and an extra outfit, and to letting (and desperately needing) my awesome husband to help. I am pretty capable of caring for our kids all day long most days. Since we homeschool I rarely get a break from them (and I am grateful), but I have definitely needed some help and he has gone above and beyond WITHOUT me asking. God has been super gracious to me in this!
For our kids, there have been other changes. For our bio girls, they have learned to be more independent and for our foster daughter, she's had to learn to be dependent. It is strange- almost like I am pushing them out of the nest (when they'd rather hang around), while pulling one closer (who'd rather fend for herself). I have really seen some amazing progress for all of them. It is so great to see sweet Bella wanting to be held and smiling most of the time. And learning it is ok to laugh and have fun. And for our girls to learn it is ok to fend for themselves some. Now, we just have to get back to homeschool...I am sure we'll find a way to get that in!
{This post is the first from my new computer! Mine crashed sometime ago and we've been trying to get one for months, but we had foster expenses, car problems, and more car problems. After lunch on Friday my husband casually took me to the Apple store "to pick up what we came for."!!!!!}

We got the call!

Last Monday afternoon we had finished school and Annika and I were getting ready to take a little rest (because she had been up most of the night with her head over a bowl) when we got a call asking if we were interested in a 17 month old girl. We said yes and didn't hear anything for over 2 hours, so we assumed we weren't getting her. We didn't know- this was all new to us! Then I got a call that said we'd probably be getting her and then a call that they'd be at our house by about 5:45. Trav had to teach, so he wasn't even here. Things went way more smoothly than I had expected. She really liked our girls and so that helped tremendously. That girl can give quite a mean look, which I have gotten quite a bit- but it is getting better. :)

I should have blogged then, but I was worn out and the week kept going, then Olivia was up all night with her head in a bowl. So...now it has been over a week and things are becoming a little bit more real. At first everything came without a fuss- eating, diaper changes, teeth brushing, sleeping, etc. I even commented how we'd have a houseful of bio children if our kids were all like this. And then time passed and she got a little bit more comfortable and the fun wore off and reality hit. Most things come with a fuss and a mean look, but that is to totally be expected. But I will be honest. It is not easy. I have about a million emotions going at one time in my heart and mind all day. They wear you out. It is difficult to love a child that isn't your own as your own (not knowing if they will be your own or not); it is difficult to love a child and pour your life into them when they may be gone in a few weeks; it is difficult impossible to not pour yourself into a child just because they may be gone in a few weeks; it is difficult to see things you'd rather not see- like little hands instinctively reaching into the trash can for food. But it is good for so many reasons- this little girl, although not given the love and care she fully needed and deserved, has been spared a lot. And we are grateful. She is smart. She catches on quickly and learns things quickly. She sleeps- very well (despite a tummy bug and a terrible cold). And eats very well- despite being sick and having VERY swollen gums and she can't have any meds to help her (until after her dr appt tomorrow!)
These things are hard for me to share and admit. I knew things would be hard, but I expected them to be hard in a different way. I love kids and this is what God has asked us to do. The things that are hard, honestly shouldn't be hard. But they are. I guess that is where we are reminded we cannot do things on our own.
So really, I think it'd be better to blog another time. When things aren't so crazy in my mind and when we know what we are doing a little better. But it is good to be real and to say that no matter what I am grateful that God will give us what we need to care for this sweet girl and he will watch over her no matter where she ends up. And for that I am grateful and can keep getting out of bed each morning!

Gymnastics and Cheerleading!

I planned to post these pics a while back, but we got a little busy! A couple of weeks ago- before the ice- the girls had show week at gymnastics. They love it and love getting their pictures taken with their medals.

 

The girls are also doing Upward Cheer. I have to say they are naturals! They are so cute! Olivia has learned all of the cheers and likes knowing all of the moves. She has even thrown in a few kartwheels while doing cheers out on the court. Annika really likes it too and does a good job. She adds a lot of hip shaking that is pretty cute! And she can yell loudly! I overheard her tell someone that she doesn't like going though because it makes her tired the rest of the day! :) I have to agree. We get up and race to get there and then get home and we still have the rest of the day ahead of us. But it has been a good experience for them!